REAL Conversation Starters for Your Departing Freshman
Well, you did it ! You made it! The deposit was paid. You made your final trip to Target (HA! Okay, maybe not your final trip). Their room looks like a bomb went off, but boxes and bags are getting packed. They have their orientation schedule and they know their class schedule. Time to sit back, pour a tall glass of iced tea (or maybe wine), and get ready for the pictures and tears on move in day.
Hold up! Might be good to have some real heart to heart talks right about now. You know your student, so some of the questions below might not fit, but I am hoping to give you a list of things to help plant a seed in both yours and your students mind, as well as some gentle tips for healthy guidance of your student their first year.
“You have had your own room (and bathroom for some) for 18 years. Now you are going to have to share space with one, two, maybe three other people (likely met through filtered social media accounts), how are you going to navigate your style of keeping a room clean, sleep and shower routine, and study schedule with people who may be very different from you?”
If your student has an issue with a roommate, have them reach out to their Resident Assistant or Resident Director via email. They can copy you on the email, but PLEASE empower them to make the first step. Calling the office of Residence Life to express your concerns is denying your student a crucial learning opportunity around self-advocacy. You can always follow up, but let them take the first step!
“Most of your friends are ones that you have had since kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, soccer, baseball, church, etc. How do you see yourself making friends at school? What are some worries or concerns you have about meeting others?”
College is VERY different from when I was in school (which was, ugh, ‘92-’96). No one had TV’s in their rooms, and we certainly didn’t have social media. Meeting people in college can be difficult! Be sure to help your student think about ways of making connections once on campus. Checking the Student Activities page can be a great place to start.
“How are you going to navigate the alcohol and drug culture on campus?”
Maybe your child has never taken a sip of alcohol or smoked a joint. Maybe they do drink and/or smoke, and do so in a way that doesn’t concern you. Or, maybe you do have some concerns. Regardless, this question should ALWAYS be asked. At the end of the day, colleges must abide by FEDERAL laws due to government funded loans, therefore, even if you believe marijuana is legal where you live and is “no big deal” or that a few beers with friends “won’t hurt”, if caught, your student may face consequences that impact their academics, housing, athletics and more. Talk to them about strategies to stay safe, stay true to their goals and values, and to look out for others. If your student is on medication of any kind, be sure they know the impact of mixing with alcohol or other drugs.
Additional note…in 14 years of higher education work, I NEVER, NOT ONCE, had a student go to the hospital for alcohol poisoning after drinking wine or beer. Be sure your student knows the dangers of high risk drinking, but especially with hard alcohol! I am dating myself, but in college, maybe you had a shot or two of Goldschläger, today, students will walk around with water bottles filled with flavored vodka and crystal light.
“If you are struggling in your classes, who can you talk to and where can you go for help?”
If your student had accessibility services in high school, maybe through an IEP, you DEFINITELY want those services in place when they start. Many students have said to me, “I wanted to try it on my own” or “I wanted a fresh start”. Just because they have the support available, doesn’t mean they have to use it. That being said, far too many students will wait until exam time to get help, and that is often, just too late.
“When you are stressed out or overwhelmed, you…(go for a drive, go into your room alone, cuddle on the couch with the dog, go for a walk, go to the gym, etc), how will you cope with stress when at school?”
Some of the tools your student uses to help ease their stress, won’t be available to them when they need it. Help them to strategize of things they can do at school.
Set to Go is a program of the Jed Foundation. I cannot recommend this resource enough. There are so many great articles and tools for students and families alike! Additionally, there is a Transition of Care Guide. According to their website: The Transition of Care Guide, provides a detailed steps for students and families to take during each year in high school and in college in order to transition their care. Primarily for students with diagnosed mental health conditions, this resource is for all students interested in monitoring both their mental and physical health.
The coming days, weeks and months will be filled with nervousness, excitement, uncertainty, and elation. Take each day in stride and encourage your student to do the same. Remind them that they are not alone and that there is support available.
